Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
