She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
