his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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