Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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