Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
