I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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