I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
