we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
