Me too!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize