My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
