My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
