So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
