I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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