honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
