if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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