My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
