i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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