I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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