I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I want to fling myself into the sun
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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