She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
