Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
