why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
