I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
