Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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