Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
