Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
