forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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