no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
