My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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