The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
