I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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