Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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