Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
