I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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