You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
