Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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