Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
last night I used snow as a chaser
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize