where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wat bout pragnant strippers??
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
