he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
