youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
