i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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