captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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