I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
