This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
