What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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