Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
