I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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