Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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