Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
