Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
