You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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