I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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