You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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