Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
