I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
