I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
