if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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