Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
