Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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