I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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