the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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