I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
