im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
