well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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