i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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