all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
