Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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