I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
