i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
