I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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