break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
