my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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