how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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