Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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