update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
