I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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